Time heals all pain
They say that time heals all pain.
I would say that is only true if you know how to feel pain in the first place. For me, the pain of losing someone close has always been numbed by the busyness of life. For so long, I would busy myself to avoid the pain, I wouldn’t allow myself to the feel the emotions. I would pack up things that reminded me of them to avoid thinking of them on the daily.
But when the next loss happens, the feelings compile from the previous losses. When the news is received, it hurts deeper because years of hurt and pain have been held back by a single wall. One that eventually comes crashing down because you never dealt with the very first hurt.
Shortly before my divorce and for a couple of years after it, I cried a lot. The crazy thing was, I was the one who asked for the divorce, so you wouldn’t necessarily think I would have been so torn up about it. But when they tell you it’s a lot like mourning a death, believe it. It’s true. I was mourning the loss of 13 years of my life with someone I thought I would spend forever with. I was mourning the loss of our family and the “together” we were supposed to be as we enjoyed watching our son grow up together. I was mourning the fantasy I had concocted in my head that we were a happy family, because the reality was…we had happy times, but we were more toxic than happy.
But the more I felt my feelings and sat in the pain, I began to heal. I needed to feel the pain. I needed to drop my son off at school and come home, lay on the couch and cry until I had nothing left in me. I needed to emotionally eat my way through the days sometimes, especially when I still had to go to work and photograph couples in love on their wedding day…still not sure how I managed to get through that part. The pain was important, but I didn’t let it define me, if anything I allowed it to motivate me. To recognize my part in the failure of the marriage and used my pain to better myself.
It’s inevitable…the pain that is. We live in a fallen world and until our Savior comes back for us, loss will be experienced, people will hurt us, we will hurt ourselves and we will most likely hurt others. But I want to challenge you…feel the feelings, pain or joy. Life isn’t meant to be lived in a paralyzed state of numbness.
Whether you’ve experienced the death of a family member or close friend, been through or currently walking through a divorce, had a miscarriage, a business failed, foreclosed on a house or any other of the life altering moments that hurt…keep pushing. Push through the tears, the sorrow, the crushing chest pressure…press in to the Lord and let Him walk alongside of you and even carry you through the season of hurt. His mercies are new every day… “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22-23)
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